Auditing My Self-Progress

So about a year ago, I set these goals for 2008. You know me, I'm more analytical than Freud. So let's go through these and see what kind of success I had for meeting my goals and, uh, I dunno, experiencing a personal growth or some hippie sounding bullshit.

1. Eat less. Result: Push. Hard to track this. I had ups and downs.
2. Become a minimum of 18.79% more environmentally friendly. Result: Success. Hard to quantify the exact percentage here, but I didn't wash my truck as much, so I wasted less water and flushed less soap and chemicals into my folks' yard. Also, on the subject of water conservation, I almost always peed in my shower if I only had to pee rather than the toilet and flushing. I also kept to recycling all year long and I think I even farted less, so +1 to you, Mr. Ozone. Also, I donated money to the Save the Tasmanian Devil cause.
3. Open a predatory bird sanctuary..... Result: Undisclosed. In the interests of national security, I have no comment on this. And don't read too much into all the bird droppings always on my truck.
4. Fix broken taillight on truck. Result: Success. Barely. I broke it in mid-December 2007, and I ordered the new part in early November 2008.
5. Finally get around to my Manifesto. Result: Failure. I could grasp at straws here, but while I came up with a few things and jotted them down, there is no actual Manifesto to speak of.
6. Start own religion. Result: Incomplete. Hard to start a relgion based on a Manifesto when you don't do the Manifesto.
7. Pay MORE in taxes for political leverage. Result: Yup.
8. Launch joint partnership into Jack In The Box tacos. Result: Failure
9. Stop shoplifting paperclips, start shoplifting more useful items. Result: Success. I haven't had to actually shoplift anything useful because I really loaded up on some sweet gel ink pens at the PIIAI convention this year.
10. Petition the FDA about Girl Scout Cookies. Result: Failure. I wasn't as motivated to do this as I didn't get hit up to buy any cookies.
11. Bank error in my favor. Result: Success. This might be a technicality, but about four years ago I bought a bunch of diet pills from Trim Spa. What shows up in my mail this year sometime in August, even after I've moved since? A check for something like $12 or $16 for a Federal Trade Commission lawsuit against the drug's makers. I'm claiming it.
12. Breed master race of intellgent dogs. Result: Failure. I can't take full credit here. While I did get a puppy, Sadie, and while she is extremely good at understanding a wide variety of commands and hand signals at about 8 months old, she does not satisfy the entire portion of this goal that was a run-on sentence about the Homeland Security Dept using them to protect landmarks.
13. Stop being irritating prick at the office. Result: Success. I'd say I've come a long way in office relations in the last year. Next year's goal will be to come a long way in sexual office relations.
14. Urinate in public more to cut down on use of water. Result: Another big check in the "HELL YES" column. I think I've blogged about several urinating in public incidents this year.
15. Buy cooler shoes. Result: Success. I'm on fire. I got this one done very early in the year. I'd say my $80 Asics running shoes qualify as cool, and getting them for $24 on clearance counts.
16. Get a haircut. Result: Success. Luckily the goal wasn't get a better haircut, because I'm not sure I would've passed that one.
17. Get American Idol taken off the air or marginalized... Result: I'm claiming success via a very distant, couple time removed connection. The show has been marginalized a bit. It's not the juggernaut it once was. There are a lot of factors contributing here. But one certainly is that Howard Stern's massive audience jumped on board with a website (votefortheworst.com?) and their idea to vote for the worst possible candidate to go as far in the show as possible. And Sanjaya made it as far as what, #8? He made it so far they had to put him on the Idol Tour. And it drove the regular fans nuts, the people who should be locked up or castrated for being kooks. I subscribe to Howard Stern, so in some way, I'm connected to this occurrence.
18. If elected Dictator for Life, free Paxil for everyone. Result: Push. I wasn't elected President/Dictator for Life, so this one is null and void.
19. Stop putting Canadien money in Salvation Army buckets during the holidays. Result: Success. I didn't put any money in their buckets. I prefer to save Tasmanian Devils.
20. Stop snickering when people say "penal code." Result: Push. I don't recall anyone using the term in my presence this year.
21. Pull my weight in the whole "world peace" movement. Result: Success. I'm all for getting the hell out of Iraq. And I think gays should be allowed to marry and make themselves miserable just like most hetero couples. I think those count.
22. Bump heat up to 58 during winter months. Result: Incomplete. Winter isn't over. I've touched 58 degrees a couple of times, but this goal implied I kept it steady at 58. That hasn't happened yet.
23. Work on juggling skills. Result: Success. I tried, but little progress was made.
24. Stop making stupid bullet-point lists. Result: Not even close, mark it zero, Dude.

Final Tallies
Sucess: 13/24
Failures: 5/24
Push: 3/24
Incomplete: 2/24
????: 1/24

That was actually a pretty successful year for me, personally. Way to go self!