Inside the Glory

Many a fantasy championship roster probably prominently feature a couple of participants in tonight's Indianapolis @ Jacksonville game. Let's survey the (potential) damage:

Melvin Eats Blubber
I eeked into the playoffs (but earned that spot, nonetheless) then soundly dispatched of the #1 seed, a 10-4 team, by 18+ points. I might've been a little lucky in that his squad really seemed to peak about three weeks ago. This week it's the title bout and I'm up against the #2 seed, a team named FreightTrain, who concluded the regular season with a 9-5 record and knocked me off twice in the regular season. Now the tables have turned, as I'm a 39-point heavy favorite. One of my QBs is Peyton Manning, who I will be doing a raindance for to rain TDs upon the Jaguars secondary.

Tobias Is Queen Mary
I wrapped the regular season at 9-5, then drew the same opponent in the first round. His team has fallen apart, so it was another easy first round victory. This week I've got the #7 seed, some dude named Fighting Irish who finished the regular season at 6-8. How you're allowed to make the playoffs with a record like that is beyond me. I'm a 37 point favorite. That's not a giant margin in this format, but it's substantial.

Triple Midgetation
I bullied my way through the regular season and I'm doing the same in the playoffs. Two weeks ago I bounced the #8 seed, The Bomb Squad, by 70 points (an unbelievably huge margin in this league's format), I followed that up last week by sending the #5 seed, Up North Colts Fan, home with a 32 point spanking, and in the bottom half of the bracket, I got some favors. The one or two other teams I was impressed by got knocked out by the #6 seed, someone calling himself Aesir, who was 6-7 in the regular season and is now smack talking himself up as "this year's Cinderella." I quickly reminded him that at the end of Cinderella, she turns back into a dirty broad riding in a pumpkin. He hasn't responded. I'm a 19.5 point favorite this week, which is still a pretty sound asswhupin'.

Dr. Funke & Frank the Tank
I lump these two together because they both crashed and burned. Dr. Funke wasn't such a surprise. As the #3 seed, I slipped by the #6 seed, a 6-6 squad by 22 points two weeks ago. Ok, that was nice. But last week, I ran into the #2 seed, a 10-2 squad that's about as much of a buzzsaw as Frank the Tank (11-1*) was. I got trounced by 26 points. Meanwhile, captain buzzsaw, got a kick in the seat by the #5 seed, the retardedly named ??????????, who was a paltry 6-6 during the regular part of the slate. Almost to a man, Frank's roster tanked their performances. Despite that, I was still in the hunt up through Monday night. But Brian Westbrook, chief punk scapegoat on this team, managed only 9 of his projected 29 points. So I lost and now I have to play with myself. Wait. Now I have to play myself. That other part comes later.