Playoffs!?! Playoffs?!?!?!

Most standard faux football leagues start playoffs this week. So if you're a big enough kook and you think little fake football trophies are your birthright, then the commencement of the playoffs is like, well, (Coming Home).



Melvin Eats Blubber
Record: 6-7, 5th place of 8 teams

This is the last week before playoffs. Top 4 teams go on to the Championship round of the playoffs. This team has been a maddening, inconsistent, occasional tour de force this year. Five weeks ago, I lost to the 2nd place team. The week after, I thought I'd knocked off the top team until Yahoo "took it back". I followed this up by stomping a cellar dweller. I then followed that up by coughing up a big lead against the third place team, losing by two. I use the term coughing up because of a couple of questionable roster decisions. I followed that up with a loss to the sixth place team. If I roll my studs out every week instead of occasionally gambling on someone who could explode, I probably win 3-4 times in the last five weeks and I'm locked in as the #3 seed, just the place I want to be.

Instead, I'm down to one last chance. I play the team currently occupying the fourth and final spot in the playoff bracket that matters. There's a one game difference in our records, and I have the tie-breaker of points scored for the season. The mission is simple: win and I'm in. For whatever it's worth, I'm a 22 point favorite to pull it off.

Tobias Is Queen Mary
Record: 8-5, 3rd place of 10 teams

I'm currently riding a 4 came winning streak, tops in the league. Weird how that pretty much corresponds with Tony Homo coming back and giving me more consistent QB play. I've already clinched a spot and am probably going to be playing a team that, at best, is 7-7. I'm the highest scoring team in the league by about 230 points for the season and I feel like I'm peaking at a good time. I'm a 56 point favorite this week.

Triple Midgetation
Record: 11-2, 1st of 12 teams

The playoffs have arrived. I wrapped up the regular season on top of the heap here, leading the league in not just record, but also total points (by 10). I enter the playoffs on a 4 game winning streak, and I've won 9 of my last 10, with the lone loss being something of a fluke (lost by 4 points, other guy had two guys play out of their minds).

As proven as my squad is, I'm a little sick by the dilemma I face this week. The question is what do I do about Tony Romo? Dallas plays at Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh's defense is the class of the league and playing in Pittsburgh this time of year means snow or a field so sloppy it stops being turf and is more like Campbell's Chunky Soup. Passing games tend to suffer against Pittsburgh's defense, and they suffer even more when players are running and cutting in a bog. Tyler Thigpen is projected to put out similar results as Homo, but he plays at Denver, against a lousy Broncos defense, in a game Kansas City figures to trail most of the time. Seems like a recipe for lots of passing. Denver also sucks covering the tight end, and Tony Gonzalez is the finest pass-catching TE in the history of the NFL.

If this were a closer looking game, I might be inclined to ride my star player and let the chips fall where they may. But since my opponent somehow made the playoffs with a 6-7 record and I'm a 32 point favorite (125-93) in a game where the league average is in the high 80's, I'm going with Thigpen.

Swingin' Dude Club League
Team: Dr. Funke
Record: 8-4, 3rd of 12 teams
Team: Frank the Tank
Record: 11-1, 1st of 12 teams

First round of the playoffs, and Frank the Tank earned a bye, while Dr. Funke squares off with a team that eeked into the playoffs with a 6-6 record on the back of a tiebreaker. Not much to be said here. Dr. Funke is a 25 point favorite, which isn't huge, but still substantial.